Doddles

This wednesday officially marks my first wednesday in a long time without being under the influence of lovely poison known as alcohol. After leaving beijing, i have come to realise that my alcohol consumption level, as well as my energy have dwindled down to very little. True, i still take an occassional beer or two, but no longer am i on a rampage with my gang every wednesday, friday and saturday. And at the risk of sounding like an alcoholic, i miss it. Maybe not so much the booze, but the fun and entertainment my people bring to it. Can't wait till i see them again...3 weeks and counting...

Birthday wishes

So i'm here, wishing my beautiful friend Michelle a happy but belated birthday. I hope you had a good one Michelle. I miss you very much here and you are constantly on my mind, in my thoughts.

Pride, can be one's asset as well as one's downfall. When we are in a difficult situation, sometimes pride comes to our rescue and lessen the pain. Other times, you wish you had not so much pride that you miss the window of opportunity to have your questions answered or let another know exactly how you feel. I wonder if there is some kind of manual on when one should use pride and when one should discard it and let yours tears run.

One another note, today i feel more of an adult than ever. Accepting consequences and taking responsibilities for my actions. Just hope that i will still feel the same way in 1 week's time...

Always on my mind

Baby I didn’t treat you, quite as good as I should have
Baby I didn’t love you, quite as often as I could have
Little things I should’ve said and done
I just never took the time
You were always on mind, you were always my mind

Baby I didn’t hold you, all those lonely lonely times
And I guess I never told you, I’m so happy that you’re mine
If I made you feel second best, girl I’m sorry I was blind
You were always on my mind, you were always on my mind

They say that for another to really love you, you must first love yourself. And when you allow an asshole to treat you badly and hurt you, this probably means that you don't love and respect yourself enough. And so we try. We try hard to love ourselves in the hope that once we succeed, being loved by another will follow. While this is all good in theory, the reality is that once your heart falls, this assumption is blown to pieces. For no matter how much our head reasons, our emotions always get the better of us. And when you do give your heart to someone, sometimes willingly and other times unwittingly, you open yourself to the possibility that he/she may not take care of it. However, maybe this is the only way one would learn to love oneself more. After experiencing pain and anguish we are finally able to see our worth, and all this is just in preparation for the right person. The person who you could trust, the person you know you would never have to compete for, the person who you are able to show your weakness and flaws to and still feel safe with at the end of the day. Hollow as these words seem to be, i hope that we are all able to find that one person some day.